Spoken Word From a Five Year Old

"I really love your name it is beautiful." Me

"Really? I think its dumb." Her

"No.  It is a lot better than other names." Me

"Like what? Suzie?" Her

"Yea, or like BLANK and BLANK." Me

"Oh, well...I really don't think you should be bossing names around like that." Her

"Well its just an opinion  ya know? I wouldn't tell those people.  I am just telling you.  It is like if I said I liked this purple crayon better than the brown one." Me

"But crayons are not people.  You really shouldn't boss names around." Her

TOUCHE

Coloring...

"From what I can remember, you are kind of bad at drawing." Her to Me

TOUCHE

"So my mom told me that you just graduated from college so that means you are a grown up now...so why don't you have any kids?"

"I used to have two goldfish.  I named one Sarah and the other Sand Castle."

"My friend that is coming over tomorrow is two years old.  Have you ever watched anyone that young? Well if she falls down and cries just give her a bottle.  Just act like a mom ya know?  Actually, I will just take care of her."

No Silent Dinners!!!!

Here are a list of questions you can ask someone if you want to have a lively meal together...

1. What is the longest amount of time you have spent at one bar?
2. Have you ever stayed in a hotel by yourself and have you stayed in a hotel with just one other person? Who?
3. What are the last three states you would want to live in? (Courtesy of Emily W.)
4. If someone were to cast a spell on you...what would you want it to be??
5. What is one thing you know you should care about, but really just don't?
6. If you could punch one celebrity who would it be?
   
7. What is the funniest thing you have seen a kid do or say?

Top 10 Biggest Pet Peeves

1. When you are talking to someone and they keep looking away.
2. People in NYC who do not watch where they are walking and pretend they are the only ones on the street.
3. People in movies who do not rinse out their mouth with water after they brush their teeth.
4. When people set up a date in sitcoms and do not plan on a time to meet.
5. When I am in a car with someone and they can't stop screaming at other cars for things they also do.
6. People who put stuffed animals in their back car window.
7. When someone will change the way they speak because of the company that is around them.
8. When doctors do not listen to your questions.
9. When you are alone with someone and they play on their iphone the whole time.
10. When you call someone and they don't return your call...EVER
    

COMPUTER COUNSELING

Have you ever asked yourself the question: "What kind of relationship do I have with my electronics?"

TVs, cameras, cell phones, printers, and the worst of all-- COMPUTERS! If you are not sure how to know for sure what kind of relationship you and your electronics have, ask yourself these questions: "Do I drop my camera and cell phone every single time I bring them out?" "Does my computer break down when all I do is check my email?" "Have I spent more time with the Geek Squad than I have with my boyfriend or girlfriend?"

I take good care of my camera and cell phone (the verizon store is a black hole). They just want to be loved so they are good right on back. But COMPUTERS and I have a quite a past. I used to think we just completely hated each other and it would never work out, no matter how hard we wanted it to. But I can't deny it any longer. I need my computer to get by in the twenty-first century. If we went to go to couples counseling, these would be our issue topics.

1. Trust Issues- My computers don't trust me because I don't back up as much as I should.

2. Abandonment Issues- My computer will break down on me when all I use it for is checking email, playing music, and downloading my photos.

3. Secretive Issues- My computer has been deleting my photos for years and years without any explanation. When I ask why...it just responds, "File Corrupted." That is its way of avoiding the topic.

4. Boundary Issues- Sometimes I let too many people do things with my computer. Its only because I don't know how to get through to it!


5. Patience and Temper Issues- Neither of us have patience for each other and we tend to let our tempers get in the way, which then leads to sensitivity issues.

History of my Inadequate Comps:

Powerbook 2005- Could have caused me to have an ulcer. I spent more time talking about my computer than I did with my friends...just kidding, but almost. I spent $500 dollars trying to fix that piece of shit from hell.

Dell 2007- Did well with only one virus under it's belt until someone dropped it on a carpet and it decided to give up too soon.


Gateway- Gave me no trouble for a year until it decided to have pop-up vomit sessions. Maybe it was because it knew it was a replacement.

COMPUTER COUNSELING
IT OKAY TO ADMIT THAT YOU NEED IT
IT MAY END UP ALLOWING YOUR REALTIONSHIP WITH YOUR ELECTRONICS TO GROW!

I hate computers.